There is a mysterious universal force that moves our skin, our bones, our breath. We often witness this in dancers: their hips swaying and bodies billowing. Or in the contemplative gaze of a painter: the sigh before the massive leap.
We find this especially, in lovers: the trembling of two eager presences, united.
There was an extended period in my history where I shut myself off from this force. So much so, that the tension & resistance in my body kept me in a persistent state of fatigue, pain, and disconnection.
I was very sick. Though in my illness, I attributed these symptoms only to the molecular underpinnings. I knew nothing of this mysterious & beautiful energetic force – not even that I lacked a relationship with it, only that I was in deep pain and confusion.
Through exploration of a series of holistic and alternative medicine approaches, I was able to more consciously plug back into the universe & develop an intimacy with this mysterious energy. It presented itself to me, always, through my heart: in deep feeling, intuitions, and moments of love & connection. These experiences often contradicted the path of my intellectual pursuits, however, and at an increasingly severe rate I was forced to choose between the demands of the two voices.
As I heeded to the heart, my newfound relationship with the feeling sense, my body began to heal at an astounding rate. I was no longer a victim to the mind’s overly-practical suggestions & mental rigidity, and learned to gracefully embody the beauty of not knowing and living a spontaneously creative life.
It turns out that our human craves & thrives on this intimacy, though it can be difficult to discover among the noise of the mind. Moreover, among the noise and structure of society. We, quite simply, are not meant to be living the way that we are. Thus, many are disconnected, isolated, ill & unhappy.
I have learned in all circumstances to respect, honor, and listen to this mysterious force that breathes through me – and it has been profoundly challenging and contradictory to everything I thought I knew about life. But it has restored my vitality, my connection, my creativity, my open heart, my inspiration: in fact, everything that I always knew I was, and not how I had been entrained by society.
There is great liberation in feeling. There is great liberation in authenticity. There is great liberation in navigating the subtle breathing of the universe, living in a constant excited surprise of the unknown. The only one who struggles is the mind, but she, too, is learning the new way.
Many thanks to the practitioners, friends, family, and unusually uncomfortable synchronistic happenstances that have supported & inspired this journey. The best part: the journey has only just begun.